PUKERS OF PRAGUE:
Compatriots Come to Aid of Vomiting Tourist!
|
by Thor GarciaPRAGUE (CNS) – Companions of a tourist from Asia came to the young lady’s aid after she apparently drank too much – and vomited in the street! The woman, who appeared to be in her mid-20s, was seen Saturday at about 9:50 a.m., staggering along the sidewalk outside a kebab restaurant on Štěpánská, in downtown Prague. Correctly discerning her to be ill, a male compatriot took hold of the woman by the arm and gently guided her to a bench near the tram stop. Two other compatriots – a male and a female – also scurried over to administer assistance to the disoriented foreigner. “You should have seen the young gal’s face,” said one observer. “Oh, my gosh. She looked for all the world like she was going to die. My first thought was that it might have been the first time she’d ever had Becherovka or Fernet, to say nothing of absinthe, God forbid. Or maybe she’d just had one too many overpriced, unclean beers that they serve in those filthy, bacteria-producing factories they call clubs. Or yet again – perhaps she’d ill-advisedly consumed one of those greasy, mayonnaise-sopped fatty meat things they sell all night from those rancid cubbyholes downtown.” The young woman – who was wearing sheer black tights, black high heels, and a long white T-shirt advertising “Billy Idol” – sat on the bench with an anguished look on her face, as though in great pain. Before long, she began to heave – a series of giant spasms of her bosom, which lasted perhaps half a minute. Tears began to run down her face as she struggled to regulate her breathing. As the moment of eruption came near, the woman’s companions sprang into action. The first male, who had been trying to calm the troubled lass, gently turned her sideways, so she was facing off the end of the bench. Standing behind her, he put both hands on her shoulders in an apparent bid to steady and reassure her. The female companion, meanwhile, moved into position on the left, lifting the young lady’s hair away from her face, beyond the range of the expected projectile. The second male, meanwhile, knelt down and lifted the woman’s left leg into the air so that her high heel and sparkling black stretch pant fabric would not be in the prospective spatter zone. “It was so tender and loving,” said an observer. “It was as if these friends really were looking out for her welfare – for both health and fashion reasons.” The precautions taken, the young woman at last released the pulverizing poisons that had been causing so much grief. She leaned forward and retched, watery streams of a light yellow, or perhaps light green, tint pouring from her mouth and splashing on to the concrete. There was very little solid matter. The regurgitating came in two waves of four or five expulsions each, separated by about six or seven seconds. At one point, a group of teenage boys carrying nylon bags and hockey sticks stopped to watch. One of the youths smiled sheepishly and shook his head grimly, but the others had little reaction. The group soon moved on. The incident otherwise drew little attention in the slightly humid, overcast morning. At last the young lady rested, laying limp with her head against the forearms of the male standing behind her, tears drying on her face. She bore the relieved but exhausted expression of one who has survived a near-death encounter. The female member of the group removed a tissue from her waist-pack and wiped the woman’s lips and chin. She made sure to dispose of the soiled tissue in a small metal trashcan nearby. “It was precious,” said one observer. “I’m glad I stuck around to see it. Prague can be a tough, mean place, especially if you’ve been out all night and it’s time to vomit. But this bunch proved that a little love and kindness, indeed, can save the day. Imagine how unpleasant it would have been if she had upchucked on that gorgeous white shirt.” “That’s Prague for you,” said another. “Ugliness and pain, smack-dab next to beauty and kindness, all before 10 o’clock in the morning. I am thinking of the swans down at the river. It’s a hell of a darn place.” No action was taken to deal with the vomit, rivulets of which were now coursing silently across the pavement to the gutter. It seemed destined to become just another dried human mess on the streets of the metropolis, an unsavory testament to casual excess that would exist until it would be washed away by the next rain. It was not immediately known how the tourists intended to spend the rest of their stay in Prague. |
|
Pamphlet. Magazine - 2014 -